You should know I wasn’t created this way. I was loving and playful too. I never had a toy or a bicycle. But my friends and I played in circle of four sometimes five too.
Mom was pregnant with a boy. A brother at last, my joy was contagious! Before now I had lost the only one I had three days after he was born.
I was the child that sat on dads lap and whisper gibberish into his ears, he bites mine when it was his turn to whisper. That man loved me! I sometimes spot jealousy in moms eyes.
I lived and played, painted and coloured, I was happy with what I had. Life could be better than this! But hey I loved this one.
You should know I wasn’t created this way. Dad died and life became worse, mom was a teacher, an unpaid one, the government was bad, I hawked to keep food on the table, I know you are asking about my sister but when we meet we shall talk about her.
I grew in strength and rigour, pains and vigour, of course I lost the only brother I would have had. But is okay, mom was sad too, so sad she has high blood pressure.
And I know you are wondering why I live in moments. Truth is moments are the only thing I have, memories don’t work here: its in the moment my truest feelings show. It is in this moment I watch my dad die, the same moment I killed a baby.
Moments are special to me, in some I am accepted, loved and worship. I am made to sit on the lap of kings and dine with queens, and in some other moments, I am abused, cursed and rejected. In one of this moment I was called a thief(though I stole it, but she was a friend) I was made to walk in shame, naked and alone! I slept in a small cell that I shared with mosquitoes, termites and frogs.
This event pushed me to lose my virginity to someone I don’t even know his name, I went out and got drunk, he took me to his house and had a forceful penetration, in the morning I was too sad I finished a pack of cigarette.
You were present in all this moment, but you were to busy with life, you did not notice I was dying, I hated sex! If I ever fucked I needed the money so bad. September 11th is a sad day, December 22nd is worse, you don’t even know this dates and what they mean to me, celebrating birthdays and parties are all you think of, It’s okay am fine now.
In some moments am not what am supposed to be, in a moment I was a model, I wanted to learn photography(you know how passionate I am to art) I gave him a blow job twice to wave off the fee, he taught me twice! BLOODY MOTHERFUCKER!
Next I was a slot, then a teacher, a secretary, waiter, erotic pleasure seeker and giver, a procurement officer, an adviser, then a dancer. I never wanted to be any of this, but moment, moments gave me this!
Moments made me do drugs, love more and hurt with words, moments are without hope for me. I will die in a moment, I pray its bliss.
I wasn’t created this way my friend. Moments gave you this part of me. Forgive me my friend I am trying to understand every moment by living it.
In one of this moments I met a white guy, he was pale and bare, soft and dear, he brought out his penis for me to stare…