Written by 1:19 pm musings

BLUE

I am blue, I am you, forget the baby and leave the woman to herself- what is a pain? She asked, do you mean war or hate?

The first pain I knew was blue, my father was blue, he had many lights around him that was beautiful when mother woke up and looked at him, she didn’t see the blue I was seeing, she ran out and cried out to our neighbors, I was five.

Evolution is a constant bitch of pity, why do we crave the very thing that has hurt us so badly? Like blue or war?

The sun was almost blue that day, I told you I loved you too, you were sad and miserable, seemed you were lying to me. Women are funny creatures, I have never met one I like so much, they all disappoint me in one way or the other, how can you give me gifts and still architect my sack? Why would you even screenshot my internet post to mare me? I crave money like sex, always wanting it rough, raw, sometimes slow and steady, deeper for pleasure even.

I cried and said to myself, what do you want? Why do you want out of life- babies or imaginations? never dream Obidi, never allow yourself get comfortable enough to dream, it is never a bad idea to stick with one person for a particular time, why restrict yourself to one person, when you can do more with many other people.

A jelly of blood is in my hands, a baby I never met, a love we never shared, I still hate you out of love, truthfully, I never knew you enough to save you, call me selfish but I choose to let you slip away, for my parents’ reputation and for the sole reason that I will never be there for you.

Today is the day that I hoped for yesterday, the spirit of the earth gives me one day at a time and they teach me the things I need to survive, they know enough to keep love far from me if it will hurt.

The policeman that got physical with me a certain time ago was going my lane, I didn’t even know it was him until I positioned at the front seat, a sigh of relief as I fastened my seat belt, it was a long sunny day, the holidays wasn’t helping very much with mobility- passengers weren’t forthcoming and I had to help shout for passengers, wuse, wuse-berger, oga you the go? I was in a hurry and needed to get out of where I was, I recognized him on our way, I wanted to introduce myself to him, I never knew I could meet him so quick, sometimes the forces of nature aligns with your thoughts and bring your imaginations into reality but e no need.

I have found who I want to constantly have sex with, no definitions yet, but believe me it is the best place I want to currently be, I’m afraid of feelings, the type that leads to relationship; on his part this time because fear is never my problem.

WiFi, good kush and lots of sex, with a friendly chatty neighbor is all I can ask for really.

Great sex, five in total, three great ones, I almost began to think about him as I care, when he called me to accuse me of stealing his business ideas was when I knew that this life is a brutal game, a business that I built and invested, one that all he did was study and see if it was going to work, its working now I become a thief, he called me after several months to talk, I miss him but I don’t go back to my vomit.

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