Spoon fed.

It’s pathetic to see that African parents shape children like themselves, I will like to call it modern slavery.

It was Fela that said “anything wey concern nyansh dey sweet” but it wasn’t sweet when I got sacked and had to get another job, I roamed the streets of Abuja with my resume, submitted my curriculum vitae to offices that weren’t even employing, I hate to sit at home and watch my mother and I fall apart because I couldn’t sustain a job, I finally got one at a media house, three times a week, the pay was small but I was leaving the house and it made my mother happy, made me happy too, I like a steady source of income, only a job or an established business gives you that, this new media house job was basically content creation, my colleague and I will sit down and surf the net for contents, it involves hours of having my eyes fixed on a computer.

On Friday we worked late and I couldn’t go home, he offered that I sleep in his house, and at one thirty in the morning, we blew through the empty streets of Abuja to his house, I was tired, removed my clothes and dumped myself on the bed, I hadn’t started the journey of death when his long big penis began to plunge my back, why do men feel entitled to sex? he didn’t help me because it was late and that it was risky for me to go home, it was because he had other intentions, it is funny than its pathetic that a lot of men are like him, pretending to help, he begged me to allow him, his plea was getting disgusting by the second, I gave him the pussy, his first thrust was painful and forceful, I pushed him away and slept on the couch as I continued to sleep.

Your day will come, believe me, either for good or evil, our day will surely come, I got another job and left the media house, I don’t pursue mere dreams, I wish I did, I would have stayed because growing up, I wanted to be a newscaster, here is an opportunity for me to improve myself, work on my circle, I left still, I’m not concerned about what the future holds, I see news of people dying every day, my future is the least of my worries. Let’s just make today work.

I hate lies, for the most part of my life, I try so hard to say the truth, a world where everyone is lying, few people should be able to say what bothers them truthfully, when Obiangeli told me she had been stalking me on the internet for four months, I knew it was a lie when we finally saw at an eatery close to me, she wasn’t looking like what I thought, she was unique in her own way, pretty and stutters, but her expression didn’t seem like she had the orientation about how girls fuck.

We kissed and she didn’t want to leave me, she held my hands and we talked more since we were in an open place and the rain was drizzling, I offered we wait for my man friend at the gas station by the road, she texted me later at night about how she wanted us to really fuck and that she was always going to wear the ring I gave her, on Thursday, she came to my house and I brought weed, she said she wasn’t smoking, cigarettes? she refused still, I was surprised that she was rejecting the exact thing she said she liked and did over the internet, I even took her to meet my friend so we could roll up and catch a ride, but she was refusing the joint I gave her? I kept on with the mental notes; We had sex and I rode her to orgasms-she didn’t kiss me for a bit and left it there, her lips were small and made kissing difficult.

When the Shiites had their protest and Abuja was on lockdown, people couldn’t go to their houses, and they were no vehicles to convey us, it was that same day we went to share a joint with a friend of mine, she was beginning to know my circle, I thought we were becoming a thing, we said we would get an apartment together, it was rather too ridiculous when she stopped talking to me, I’m not the type to beg, but I made a conscious effort to ask her why she stopped talking to me, she said it was her and not me. A few weeks later, she called to confirm my office address, and that she wanted to send in gifts, I was surprised that I haven’t heard from her till today.

On a very cold December Monday morning, Pablo called me and asked if I could see him that day, Pablo has been a friend for a while, he writes too, I help him edit sometimes, and he was someone I wouldn’t say no to, I left work and met him at the villa, I was outside the villa for almost an hour, the uber was taking time, but I had to wait for my friend Pablo, I believe they are things you do for people because you want peaceful coexistence.

I got in and met his friend, we got talking and he offered me wine, we drank and talked more about politics, almost an hour gone and Pablo was still not around, I called and he said he was on his way, I told the guy I met, who was apparently Pablo’s friend that I suspect Pablo wanting to fuck me, he laughed and said he didn’t think so, more wine and the new guy walked to me, shifted my hair from my face and suggested we fuck in the most subtle and annoying way to ask for sex, since I was the only one with, I had to apply wisdom, I told him we could go down but I suspect that Pablo wants to fuck me, so he should calm down and hopefully when Pablo comes we would work something out, I gave him my number and talks started again.

Pablo came after two hours and I was pissed, I told him I was going and he insisted I stay, called me to the corner and told me that his friend is the one interested in me and would like to pay, I thought about the time I had wasted and the money involved, I agreed.

I hadn’t finished all my bedmatics when he came, I told him to get me some more wine and be ready for a second round, I was naked in the room for almost twenty minutes, when the door finally opened-it was Pablo’s other friend who brought in the wine, I was naked, I told him to drop the wine and leave, he dropped it and looked at me, what do you want? he seemed speechless, I stood up naked and walked to him, he told me his friend could not arouse himself for a second round and he was there to represent his friend, I have never heard such a thing in my entire existence, I took him by the shoulder and gave him angry sex, I left the house and the amount agreed was not what was given to me, on a Monday night, I was out fucking two guys for half the stipulated amount to fuck one guy.

Uber was supposed to drop me at a nearby junction before proceeding to take Pablo to the outskirt of town where he lived, uber took us both to the outskirt of town, I was too angry that I didn’t even notice we had gone that far, I came down on the loneliest of roads, I crossed to the other side and waited about thirty minutes and they were no car in sight, I burst into tears and cried for a very long time.

Another fresh day and I’m thinking about people, the height people can go, what people can do- when I was growing up, I thought people who had enemies were people who didn’t mind their businesses, I minded mine and hoped I will never get into trouble, but trouble came anyway- my new job became a direct opposite of what I expected, I don’t know if I should stop receiving gifts from people who reach out to me whenever I’m in a new office, they seem to always architect my sack, a lady gave me a bag at my former office, I spent a month and was sacked, here, an earring was gifted to me and this was even worse, I knew that I was going to be sacked, I saw it, read it and was confused.

Sometimes the forces of this world are for you, and sometimes it fucks you up, the forces were in my favour when my colleague handed over the office phone to me to start social media management, out of curiosity I read my bosses chat with her and to my greatest surprise, I read the meanest and the cruellest thing you can read about yourself, I got home and told my mom, she was angry on my behalf, she told me to pretend and continue my life but my boss was going to sack me according to the chat, most importantly, I’m not the type to pretend so I called my colleague the next day for us to talk as women, she didn’t even let me talk, I ended the call, calling me back she threaten that my termination later awaits me, I laughed, cos unlike before, I am prepared, I told few people about my ordeal in the office and they said, Obidi, almost every office is like that, people are mean and will talk, I understood and saw no reason why my sexuality or my lifestyle should affect my productivity and why ogochukwu will not stop stalking and screenshoting my post to my boss.

Sometimes when you meet a person who gives you amazing sex, you wouldn’t want to cheat, the both of you recognize it and then feel like having a possible commitment, when I met him and found that he smoked too, we bonded and created magic, it was beautiful; we fucked like semi-gods, I began to be committed, I didn’t see a need for wanting to have bad sex anymore, not even for money- until I begin to feel cheated.

My mother is an amazing woman, she has a funny way of expressing anger or rage, I hate that I try and they still expect more, I hate that I am being emotionally blackmailed and I stay, she blames her singleness on us, me especially, of how she has kept herself because she wanted to see us through school, how she has been hungry so that we can be full or how she has to deal with the fact that she is a single mom in a very patriarchal society.

And I understand that her life is difficult, mine is worse, I am the second and last child but my responsibility is like I’m the eldest, my gadgets were never bought for me, I have to keep a job, I have to be there for myself, encourage and keep my head up.

There will always be a better dick, I left his house after threats from my uncle, and he told me to be home in thirty minutes, it’s pathetic to see that African parents shape children like themselves, I will like to call it modern slavery, as a child in an African home, your happiness is dependent on your parents, their enemies should be your enemies, their gods yours, their laughter and even their dreams yours.

I hate to drag for attention or empathy, I will never disgrace myself like that, I left his house with an intention of not going back, like a saying I heard one time, the ninth sex is the break, this was our seventh and the break is upon us like a plaque.

This year has been blessings and sufferings, I endured, took upon myself fights that weren’t meant for me, cried, travelled to a different state, maintained the grease that kept my family together, and looked for ways to make money, the process didn’t bother me, I met people, I started a book club, I got different amazing jobs, I attended events, met girls, had sex, smoked more, kept and broke my promises, was lied and kept out in the cold, I met and helped people, made money and spent it- above all I was able to learn about who I am, what I want for myself and what pleases me the most, I have learnt that it is me before others.

Cheers to 2018.