Forgive.

I forgive you, I forgive you for everything that I went through, the pains of labor is nothing compared to how you made me feel the very evening that you invited me over after work.

I forgive you for allowing my soul to contain you- at chicken republic, the very first time that we would see, you didn’t show up on time. I waited still; I paid for your food and hoped that you will show up, I believed you were real and human most importantly.

I forgive you for reading and editing your post, you were a passionate blogger, one with so little confidence and zero ability to try, I liked how you wrote, simple yet beautiful.

I forgive you for my stupidity, I still have a picture of our pizza day out on my Instagram, remember how we edited that post you were going to send to those daily trust guys? How did it go? Cos we didn’t save our edits when the laptop went off, remembered how we laughed at each other’s stupidity?

I forgive you, it was a Monday, stressed from work but I came to the villa still, without you convincing me, all you did was ask, you were family; I forgive you for letting me wait, sipping wine with someone I never knew, you took so long I had to tell him if you were trying to get under my pants, you promised me food and came with nothing, I remember how hungry I was, your friend came behind my ears and whispered to me of how it will be nice for us to fuck before you came, he shifted my hair off my ears and kissed my neck

I forgive you for showing up late and acting like you didn’t keep me, I forgive you for my imbalance, I didn’t want it to be a losing situation for me, that was why when you came in with the bundles of N200 notes telling to fuck your friend who kissed my neck, I did.

He came so quick before I even knew it, the wine had sat, I was energetic and ready to fuck him in a silly way, out of my will, of course. I knew you had told him I won’t disappoint, I’m ashamed of myself for agreeing to your bait.

I forgive you for allowing me to fuck a weak man, he couldn’t go a second round so he sent in his friend with another bottle of wine, he walked in on me naked, he wouldn’t leave after dropping the wine, he said he wanted to assist his friend, I let him.

I forgive you for allowing myself fuck another, I would have killed myself if he was worse than the first.

I forgive you for allowing myself to collect half the stipulated bait that you used to lure me, you promised you will send the remaining to my account, I believed you.

I forgive you too, that I even thought about letting you get under my pant at some point, you were consistent and called me koraa if you needed nudes.

I forgive you for allowing myself collect the food your friend offered, it was cold, sour and without meat, I forced two spoonfuls down my throat, food was bad I dumped it in the uber.

I forgive you. You knew where the uber was supposed to drop me, but you let him take me with you, by the time I realized what you had done, we were far into the outskirt of town; I got down hoping I would get a cab, eleven in the night and I broke into tears, no cab was forthcoming; I was pained like a woman who lost her child, but mine wasn’t a child but my mind.

I forgive you for demanding money my from you days later. I asked you over WhatsApp but you choose to insult me instead, you even made a silly joke of me fucking two men using a clap emoji-

I forgive you for letting me forgive myself; I sat down to even think about you and I realized you have never done shit for me, I forgive you still.

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